A Child's Smile

For Justin and Rebecca

My feelings are alive and beautiful in my mind
They are my desires - I think
I imagine all of life, its beauty so real
Imagination - You lover! You beast!
Butterflies flitting among swaying wheat

A child's laughter
A smile from a special friend
Hand in hand down a long desert road
Intimacy is oxygen to the straining leaves of my soul
I crave its secret air
Fantasy - shatters like a mourning window
Is that you reality?
Which of you two is knocking at my door?
Which of you is vapour?
Which of you is real?
Which of you two is hell?
"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts, Elohim?
And every day have sorrow in my heart?"

Love is given
And it makes you feel good
But it's a life thats forbidden

I have rights

Part of me wants to hold on
To these imaginings
Hug tightly the winds of fantasy
But this other part - You lover! You Beast!
Knows that they are just that
Only wind
I'll never see a little child running
Towards me like that
But there are times when it is nice to dream
Of love
Sweet dreams son
A child's smile
Connects me with what is deepest in me and the world
Eden innocence running openly towards me
A warm man becomes possible
A warm man becomes real
I am a warm man
Gentle child of Grace
The child smiles
And I smile, wind in my face